Is The Breakfast Club Secretly an Avengers Movie? A Very Serious Analysis

by Louis Hare, Guilty Pleasures Host

Like most of you, I’ve been spending the last few weeks re-watching the films of the MCU in preparation for Avengers: Endgame (well, MOST of them. You can’t make me re-watch Thor: The Dark World). As I made it through the half-way point, I felt the need for a palate cleanser.  I thought I’d found the perfect movie: John Hughes’ 1985 masterpiece The Breakfast Club. With only 7 characters and one setting, it seemed like the perfect antidote to the sprawling, ever-expanding CGI world of the MCU. And yet, as I watched it, I felt in many ways I was watching the secret origin story of some of our favorite Avengers. Perhaps I haven’t fully disconnected from my MCU binge, but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to see the traits of our superheroes in this group of suburban high school misfits. So at the risk of seeing these characters in the simplest terms, the most convenient definitions, I ordered myself to write an essay of no less than 1,000 words* describing in detail who I think these characters actually are.

*Much like Brian’s letter to Mr. Vernon, I have no intention of meeting that word count. You’re welcome.

John Bender

The center of attention, Bender is an egotistical rebel with a smart-ass quip for everything and a major problem with authority. He’s the one who (intentionally or not) causes the most conflict amongst the group, but his severe daddy issues make him sympathetic enough to not totally hate. Just like…

Tony Stark

The only question here is who’s been to more AC/DC concerts.

Andrew Clark

Handsome, athletic, popular, the guy’s got it all. Egotistical on the surface, his immaturity gets him in trouble. He is fighting pressure from his father to be the warrior he wants Andrew to be, regardless of what Andrew actually wants. Just like…

Thor

You can’t tell me a young son of Oden never taped anyone’s butt cheeks together.

Brian Johnson

Extremely intelligent with a passion for physics, Brian has a very dark undercurrent. When he can’t perform as expected, he spirals into a crisis of self that tends toward self-destruction. Much like…

Bruce Banner

“Hulk can’t make elephant lamp turn on.”

Claire Standish

Raised in a love-less environment, Claire is seen less as a person and more as a valuable asset. Before meeting the group, she’s known for spending time with an elite, but shady-ass group. Spends most of her introduction getting sexually harassed by the smart-ass in the room. Much like…

Black Widow

As if the red hair didn’t give this one away, although I struggle with which is more dangerous – the KGB or a group of privileged white high school kids. And I bet she knows a few lipstick tricks as well.

Allison Reynolds

Spends most of her time in the background, no one really knows why she’s there. Turns out she had nothing better to do. She’s clearly seen some shit, but secretly might be the most well-adjusted of the group. Just like…

Hawkeye

Allison’s drawing looks a lot like Hawkeye’s farm house in winter. Just sayin’.

Carl the Janitor

Pops up randomly from time to time. Knows more about the group than anyone. That makes him…

Nick Fury

He is the eyes and ears of the MCU (ok, EYE and ears).

Assistant Principal Vernon

Started from a place of concern, his soul has been crushed over the years as he views his domain overrun with the worst of humanity (no argument there). Attempts to crush the souls of the group in the name of stability and thinks he’s totally justified in his behavior. So, of course he’s…

Thanos

“Don’t mess with the Infinity Gauntlet, son, you’ll get the snap.”

“…but what we found out is that each of us is a Hulk, and a Thor, and a Hawkeye, a Black Widow, and an Iron Man. Does that answer your question? Sincerely Yours, The Avengers Club.”

“P.S. None of us is a Captain America. He’s perfect.”

Lou Hare

@thefakelouhare

Lou Hare is an adjunct professor at St. Ambrose University in Davenport, Iowa. Lou is the host of Guilty Pleasures on the Front Row Network and a regular on many other FRN shows. His greatest joy in life is making his friends watch terrible movies and talk about them..... and being a GIF.

© 2016 by The Front Row Movie Reviews. all rights reserved.

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